Manifesto of Ordo Templi Paisleianum


Manifesto of the O.T.P.

[The Manifesto provides a concise summary of the various threads of comedic tradition that make up the O.T.P. It was first published from Morewood circa 1994 E.G., and reprinted on WWW. While very much out of date regarding the structure of the OTP, the Manifesto is still important, as it captures the spirit of the OTP as it was originally founded. —R.]


Peaches, Pomegranates, Fruits; Silly Strutting on All Points of the Triangle; Disrespect to Order. To All Whom It May Concern: Comedy and Mirth.

Laugh when thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

  1. The O.T.P. is a body of initiates in whose hands are concentrated the wisdom and the knowledge of the following bodies:
    1. The Animaniacs.
    2. The Three Stooges.
    3. The Not Ready for Prime Time Players.
    4. The Kids in the Hall.
    5. The Order of the Illuminati.
    6. The Flying Circus of Monty Python.

    It does not include the P∴A∴, with which august body it is, however, in close alliance.
    It does not in any way infringe the just privileges of duly authorized Comedic Bodies.

  2. The dispersion of the original secret wisdom having led to low ratings, it was determined by the Comics of all these Orders to be plagiarized and centralize their material, even as white light, divided in a prism, may get laughs out of youngsters.
    It embodies the whole of the secret humor of all Oriental Comedians; and its chiefs are lunatics of the first class, and recognized as such by all capable of such recognition in every country in the world that has net.access.
    In more remote times, the constituent originating assemblies of the O.T.P. included such men as:

    • Aristophanes
    • Henny Youngman
    • Bernard Shaw
    • Groucho Marx
    • Aleister Crowley
    • George Burns
    • Oliver Hardy
    • Stanley Laurel
    • Bud Abbott
    • Lou Costello
    • Moe Howard
    • Charlie Chaplin

    And recently:

    • John Cleese
    • Robin Williams
    • Steven Wright
    • Rita Rudner
    • George Carlin
    • Bill Cosby
    • Denis Leary
    • Whoopi Goldberg
    • Mike Myers

    The names of women members are never divulged unless they’re really funny.
    It is not lawful here to disclose the name of any living chief. But we’ll do so anyhow.
    The letters O.T.P. represent the words Ordo Templi Paisleianum (Order of the Paisley Temple, or Paisley Templars), and as soon as we think of a secret meaning for initiates, we won’t tell you.

  3. The Order is international. OK, so it’s closer to the truth to say it wants to be.
  4. The aims of the O.T.P. can only be understood fully by its highest lunatics; but it may be said openly that it teaches Comedic Science or Humorous Knowledge, the Pure and Holy Magick of Laughter, and anything else we wanna tell you about.
    It possesses a Secret that’s REALLY capable of realizing the world-old dream of the Brotherhood of Man.
  5. The Authority of the O.T.P. is concentrated in the I.R.S. (Inner Rear of the Society), or Frater Ridiculus. The name of the person occupying this office is never disclosed except to his immediate representatives, his girlfriend, his tennis partner, 30 Eskimos, and the entire readership of alt.religion.kibology.
  6. The Authority of the I.R.S. isn’t delegated to anybody. In fact he doesn’t really have any. We just let him think he does because it makes him feel better. So he appoints state and local Masters of various degrees to get a cheap laugh and to further the aims of the Order.
  7. The Grand Masters General are assisted by two principal officers, the Grand Treasurer General and the Grand Secretary General, and as soon as we get some idiots to accept the jobs we’ll let you know who the fools were.
  8. The whole of the Knowledge has been sifted and concentrated in the following degrees:
    II° Comedian.
    III° Master Comedian.
    IV° Perfect Comedian. Perfect Idiot.
    Sovereign Prince of Stand-Up.
    Member of the Senate of Knight°s Hermetic Entertainers.
    VI° Illustrious Templar of the Order of Clueless, and Companion of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
    VII° Very Illustrious Sovereign Clueless Inspector General.
    Member of the Supreme Grand Troupe.
    VIII° Perfect Doofus of the Illuminati.
    IX° Initiate of the Sanctuary of the Goofoffs.
    Rex Summus Ridiculissimus or Regina Summa Ridiculissima (Supreme and Most Funny King or Queen).
    XI° Ipsissimus Facetiarum.

    The secret meaning of the XI° is not to be divulged to the profane.

  9. Every man and woman that is of full age, free, and of good humor, has an indefeasible right to the III°.
    Beyond this, admission is only granted by invitation from the governing body concerned. This means you gotta ask shawn.
  10. Applications for admission to the Order are likely to be laughed at.There are no dues or subscriptions save the obligation to make people laugh.
  11. The Constitution, Trust Deeds, Charters, Warrants, Cue Cards and all other documents, are exhibited to candidates on their exaltation to the IV°, should we ever get around to writing them.
  12. No certificates for membership unless I get a lot more free time than I currently have!
  13. The privileges of members of the O.T.P. are nearly nonexistent. But:
    1. They are guaranteed to break the ice at parties.
    2. They are guaranteed to have more slack than you’ll ever need.
  14. In selecting members for advancement, the only real criterion is how much can you make the higher degree members laugh. Sure it’s elitist. I like it that way.
  15. The I.R.S. is known to everybody. Especially the I.R.S.
    The Grand Masters General are not approachable as such by any person without a big sense of humor.
    All communications should be addressed to your significant other, and all cheques to the I.R.S. of the O.T.P.

Laughs are the law, laughs under will.

Issued by Order,
S. Knight XI° Inner Rear of the Society